I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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