we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
A bitchslap is in order.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
