I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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