i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
