while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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