Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
