I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
