it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
