i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize