I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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