you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
