If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
