You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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