The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
