Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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