batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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