you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
