I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
