I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just had sex bonerless
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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