he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
