Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
