Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
