hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
