I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
