we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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