i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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