I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
