Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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