I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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