i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
