Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
