My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
