I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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