I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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