It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize