In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
