I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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