And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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