i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
