WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My dick has a subreddit
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
