we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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