So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
