Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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