This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my being single is dangerous.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
