why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
