Non-Jews are for practice
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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