I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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