I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Help. Why am I so naked?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
