you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
this boner is exhausting
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
