It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize