who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
