Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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