She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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