stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
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