i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
