Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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