break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
