He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
