you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
