we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
