Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
