There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize