He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
