a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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