No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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