put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The power of my boobs compel you
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
