I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
