Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
