I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
